Minneapolis’s Hypocritical Snow-shoveling Standards

An Open Letter to J. Murphy, Minneapolis Sidewalk Inspector

Dear Mr. Murphy,

You issued me a warning at the end of January because my sidewalk wasn’t “properly cleared of snow or ice.” I’d like to offer a few thoughts that this stirred up in me, if that would be amenable to you.

I want to say two things first off (which I realize is mildly self-contradictory).

First, I did what you asked me to. So please know right off that this isn’t a complaint that you misjudged me and my snow-clearing skills.

(Though I think you did. I’d argue that my sidewalk was adequately shoveled: Were a wheelchair-bound citizen to brave our neighborhood in this inclement season, they would’ve found easy passage across the public sidewalk in front of my house.

Nonetheless, I understand that you were punctiliously going down my street, and by the standards you’re hired to uphold, my work was sub par. So I fixed it. The sidewalk is clear now, along with my conscience.)

Second first thing: You must get to walk around Minneapolis a ton for your job, which means you have what might very well amount to my dream job. Except for one thing—and this is my segue into the main reason I’m writing you—you have to ticket people.

Now, I understand that the law makes our lives in this fair city work, and that the law only accomplishes this through the diligent effort of lawkeepers—you, in this case. So, always in theory and sometimes in practice, I truly admire you for your work. But…

Is Minneapolis Ticketing Homeowners Hypocritically?

Here’s the problem:

The City of Minneapolis has miles of sidewalks that it is failing to clear according to the requirements of its own laws. These are sidewalks that no one is responsible for but the city. And they are very well-traveled.

If I am endangering or disrespecting pedestrians with my 40 feet of  inadequately shoveled snow, what does that say about the city of Minneapolis?

If my bad snow removal job warrants the threat and potential levying of a $102 fine, how much of a fine should the City of Minneapolis be threatened with?

Here are three examples that I have personally had the treacherous experience of traversing in the last few weeks. I may be wrong, but I believe each of these would come under the aegis of some governmental agency. Let me know if I’m mistaken.

Hiawatha at Lake Street

The sidewalk along the entrance to southbound Hiawatha at Lake Street is an ice-rink. Now, that’s a metaphor, of course, but only because the ice on that sidewalk is too bumpy to skate on. Run a zamboni over it a few times and my metaphor would turn quite literal.

Franklin Avenue near the Lightrail Station

From the Franklin lightrail station all the way to the American Indian Center, the sidewalks along Franklin Avenue on both the north and south sides are hazardous at best. I stayed upright only with care—and I’m a spry, young fella, unlike many of the folks who the government of the city of Minneapolis exists to care for.

And when I say “care for” I mean that only in the loosest of senses. I mean doing small things, like shoveling; that’s all.

The Department of Public Works

I saved the most egregious example for last. And it’s not just egregious, it’s ironic—subtly yet extraordinarily ironic. You could not find in this city a sidewalk that has received less tending than the sidewalk outside of the new Department of Public Works building at Hiawatha and 26th.

The Department of Public Works!

That’s who you work for, Mr. Murphy. That’s whose authority you invoke when you tell me and my neighbors to shovel, or else. That’s who is strong-arming me (If I may be permitted a brief lapse into overly emotional language) into shoveling more “properly.”

I say, how about shoveling at all, and then we can discuss whether it was done sufficiently.

I’ll stop with the pictures now. You get the point.

…oh, wait. I just found 2 more:

24th Street Footbridge over I35

Minneapolis Police Department, 1st Precinct

What I want to know

I imagine it’s an oversight on the City of Minneapolis’s part that there are blocks and blocks of unshoveled snow that are now pitted strips of unsalted, unsanded, ankle-threatening ice. So I do not want to come across as saying that someone is trying to break the hips of senior citizens who happen to foolishly choose walking as their mode of transportation. But I will say that this oversight, combined with getting a warning myself for conditions far less serious, rankles this lowly Minneapolitan.

So I have two questions:

  1. Why doesn’t the city shovel its sidewalks with the same care that it requires from me, my neighbors, and all the citizens who come under your watchful inspection?
  2. If I’m going to be cited, I want to know: Who can I, a simple citizen, cite for the government’s lawbreaking?

I am helpless to combat your citations: My sidewalk was a “violation of Ordinance No. 445” and I must fix it or pay, because apparently I was breaking the law. Well, I claim, with significant evidence, that Minneapolis is breaking the law far more egregiously than my neighbors or I.

What should be done?

There are two obvious things that should be done here if justice carries any weight. (Man, does that sound melodramatic! It feels like an overstatement, but I’m not the one who has decided to charge ordinary folks city-wide hundreds of dollars for a violation that I myself pick and choose when to obey.)

So, to make things right…

  1. The city of Minneapolis should obey Ordinance No. 445. (This is so obvious that it feels silly to write.)
  2. Until the city has begun valuing this ordinance enough to follow it themselves, there ought to be a moratorium on ticketing homeowners for violating it.

These requests are simply the outworking of ordinary, common-sense ethics. It’s not too much to ask.

Thank you very much for your time and for considering my criticism.

Abraham Piper